I was listening to some music from the book of Colossians for the second time on Wednesday…but the first time with my brain turned on (i.e. the kids weren’t around)…I was working on some thanksgiving decorations (pottery barn knock off banner) and sewing in the dining room…just listening to the music and such amazing repetitive choruses, Scripture turned to song...I was just over come by the weight of God’s words pouring into my dry and shriveled heart.
“God has purchased our freedom with his blood.”I just started crying….
In many ways I am carrying on from all the crap in my life for my kid’s sake…I have yet had time to process all the garbage we went through at Jay's past job. I am still so hurt, so angry, so done with legalism and “Christians” that are so full of judgment. I have merely been struggling to get through each day…barely surviving. I know it’s crappy…I know in my head I should be looking for answers in the Word…filling my life with God’s word…but I am just so sick of “false-Christianity” that I in many ways have cast off most things “Christian”…terrible I know…not forever…but for a season. I cringe when I hear “christianese” or flip through the channels and stumble on TBN. I am completely cynical. God has seemed distant. My heart feels dead. Hurt upon hurt not that long after...guess what?...more hurt!
“God has purchased our freedom with His blood…You are Holy…you are Blameless as you stand in His Presence…”I can’t help but weep even now as I type…it’s overwhelming…but healing. It is God breathing new life into me.
New Life. A start over…
“Christ lives in you…This is your assurance you share in His glory”My heart is listening…slowly responding. I’m still so hurt. So tired. But I KNOW God is still speaking to me. I haven’t cracked my Bible open in God only knows how long (not counting when the Pastor has us read aloud on Sunday mornings.)
This music was the hammer God used to crack open my heart.
He got in
…and He spoke to me.
“…all the treasures of Wisdom and Knowledge.”
The book of Colossians just takes me on a journey that keeps leading me back to Christ.
“Let your lives overflow with Thanksgiving for all He’s done.”God’s journey in my life has always brought me back to Christ…through the highs and the lows…God has never left, even though He may have grown silent along the way…
“We are FORGIVEN” – What could be greater? What could be greater? What could be greater?
How can that NOT lead us into worship? How can that NOT breathe new life into dry bones?
“He forgave all our sins.”The repetition is beautiful…and penetrating.
(The other day sewing I just started balling, as I was sewing, at comprehending the weight of it all.)
He paid the penalty. He died for me. He forgave ALL our sins…MY sins…Victory.
“Your new life is your real life..”…”Let heaven fill your hearts.”It’s like I can finally breathe again.
“Christ is ALL that matters!”Through the pain...through the grief...
“Let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts…for as members of one body, you were called to live in peace. Always be thankful.”
That is a toughy for me...that is where the rubber hits the road…Man, I could stand to hear that OVER and OVER and OVER again… forgiveness doesn't come easy after so much pain.
Healing waters flow…sometimes slower than we wish but it is only through community that we are able to crawl out of bed and actually make it through each day.
God has purchased our freedom with His blood...
You are Holy...
You are Blameless...
As you stand in His Presence!
Always be thankful!
Now, that is redemtion's story...that is redemption's song...that is sweet, undeserved, mercy.
Amen.
