The Aftermath...
This has been a tough week for me. It's been a tough year. And it never seems to get any better. For a long time I have just felt stuck in a pit. Healing is a LONG and SLOW process. My family was brutally hurt emotionally last summer (and the year and a half prior.) It sucks...but, whatever...we move on and we HEAL. But the process is LONG and SLOW.
God continues to be good. He continues to be present. God continues to be faithful. But the process is LONG and SLOW. Sunday was a milestone along the way. There have been others. But Sunday was the most recent. Slowly I am letting go of all the pain, the hurt, the frustration, the anger. My kids are finally in a healthy place. They are doing well. I am growing. Working on my anger. Getting back in the Word. Resting in God. Releasing it to God. Finding my strength and hope and love in God.
But the process is LONG and SLOW.
Hearing Nick Vujicic speak Sunday allowed God to open a new area of my heart and allowed me to relase my pain and choose to trust in God's faithfulness to heal old wounds. A step forward.
I thought I was doing well. I thought I was finally healing. But then Monday brings one email from the past and the pain floods back.
Jay and I are watching 24 right now. We are catching up on the past seasons. We are in Season 2. But we were both so stuck by the character of Sherry Palmer. If you have never known a person like that in real life - than you have been spared and are truely blessed. If you have known or have ever been hurt by someone so manipulative, so venomous, so brutal...than you can understand that pain. And it takes a LONG time to get that poison out of your system.
In the midst of the pain, in the midst of the healing, I choose to trust in the faithfulness of God. I choose to trust, and rest on Him to get me though today.
Psalm 143 I read today.
"For the enemy has pursued my soul: he has crushed my life to the ground; he has made me to sit in darkness like those long dead."
I may seem fine on the outside...but my soul has been pursued by the enemy, and I am still beaten up and bloody.
"For your name's sake, O Lord, preserve my life! In your righteousness bring my soul out of trouble!"
That is my hope. It is the Lord's work to accomplish in my heart. And HE is my hope and my salvation.
I am still so jadded. I am still so bitter...but God IS bringing healing.
The process is LONG and SLOW...but God is slowly pouring back into my heart and is giving me small doses of Himself. He is near. He is faithful. And He IS healing me.
But this all still just SUCKS.
God continues to be good. He continues to be present. God continues to be faithful. But the process is LONG and SLOW. Sunday was a milestone along the way. There have been others. But Sunday was the most recent. Slowly I am letting go of all the pain, the hurt, the frustration, the anger. My kids are finally in a healthy place. They are doing well. I am growing. Working on my anger. Getting back in the Word. Resting in God. Releasing it to God. Finding my strength and hope and love in God.
But the process is LONG and SLOW.
Hearing Nick Vujicic speak Sunday allowed God to open a new area of my heart and allowed me to relase my pain and choose to trust in God's faithfulness to heal old wounds. A step forward.
I thought I was doing well. I thought I was finally healing. But then Monday brings one email from the past and the pain floods back.
Jay and I are watching 24 right now. We are catching up on the past seasons. We are in Season 2. But we were both so stuck by the character of Sherry Palmer. If you have never known a person like that in real life - than you have been spared and are truely blessed. If you have known or have ever been hurt by someone so manipulative, so venomous, so brutal...than you can understand that pain. And it takes a LONG time to get that poison out of your system.
In the midst of the pain, in the midst of the healing, I choose to trust in the faithfulness of God. I choose to trust, and rest on Him to get me though today.
Psalm 143 I read today.
"For the enemy has pursued my soul: he has crushed my life to the ground; he has made me to sit in darkness like those long dead."
I may seem fine on the outside...but my soul has been pursued by the enemy, and I am still beaten up and bloody.
"For your name's sake, O Lord, preserve my life! In your righteousness bring my soul out of trouble!"
That is my hope. It is the Lord's work to accomplish in my heart. And HE is my hope and my salvation.
I am still so jadded. I am still so bitter...but God IS bringing healing.
The process is LONG and SLOW...but God is slowly pouring back into my heart and is giving me small doses of Himself. He is near. He is faithful. And He IS healing me.
But this all still just SUCKS.
posted by Kyrie Eleison at 1:22 PM
3 Comments:
Thinking of you guys. We miss you. Can't wait to see you soon!
Sherry Palmer...what a "fit".
Truth is stranger than fiction.
How I long for the day when I don't "see" people I've had the misfortune to know in the stories, movies and episodes of entertainment.
I'll just have to probably wait and suffer until the perfection of heaven past the North Star is our home. My only comfort is that I'll get jewels and a skyscraper mansion and I'll get to eat whatever I want without getting fat. =)
You're BAD!!!!...but YES Heaven is "Up".
WHATEVER!!! Can't wait to see you guys!
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