Changes

So I've made a few changes here and there to my blog.

You are always welcome to come directly to me if there is anything in here that you have questions or concerns with.

"12Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, 13because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!"

James 2:12-13

"Mercy triumphs over judgment!"...wow...I like that. Praise God for His unending mercy.

Kyrie Eleison

Out of the Vortex

Yesterday was just a GREAT day for ministry. We had a BBQ at our neighbors house, with friends, neighbors, church family and others as well. It was such a cool thing to see my friend BC baptize a friend of a friend in the backyard pool during the Memorial Day celebrations.

It was good to "catch up" and spend time with friends I see a lot at church but don't ever take 5 hours to just hang out with. And then afterwards we were able to have some more friends over to our place to FINALLY get our families to connect. It was just a perfect day (exhausting - but good!) Maybe a bit of a foretast of what Family Camp will be like this coming weekend. I think we all could use a break to pause, reflect and relax.

Johnny's been reading this great book by Marva Dawn and we've been talking about it a lot lately. Christ transforming culture is a difficult thing when sometime you just want to withdraw completely from all the fuss and hype and whirlwind of this life to quieter, slower times.

The trick is finding God in the chaos and snatching moments of silence to truely listen in such a crazy world. Our lives are committed to helping transform the culture for Christ - but it is an unending challenge for our growing family.

Pressing on....

Jingle Bells Sophie Style

So for like 5 days or so, Sophie has been singing this song that I thought she learned in Preschool Sunday School. As it turns out she wrote the lyrics herself. But it has taken me until tonight to decipher what she was actually singing. So here's my baby's song:

Jingle Bells
Jingle Bells all the way
Wait a minute Everyone!
'Cause God'll MAKE ME STRONG!!!!

I'm not quite sure what it means exactly...but it does rank up there in the cuteness factor!

Such a sweet heart!

For Those who have Ears to Hear

I have recently learned that old friends from my past church have stumbled across my blog and have wondered "Is that OK?" So to SK and CF here's my reply:

Of course. I know the blog is a funny thing...because it is a private forum in a public sphere. To some degree it is like I left my diary out for all to read. Yet this is why (for me) it is not a problem.

I am convicted and called to live a life of transparency. I want my life to be open and honest. Some days are really good. Some days are REALLY bad. But in all of it I am being me. The me God created me to be. So some days are really up...and other days I am in depression and despair and I am hurt or full of anger. Sometimes I might occasionaly choose a "wrong" word or whatever. But that is 'me'... the sinful, fallen, redeemed,and in the process of sanctification 'me'.

God has accepted me for who I am...and I am daily being transformed into who He wants me to become. But that might not look like some Christian Cookie cut-out. (Which honestly Jesus doesn't want ANY of us to be that - for where is the beauty and creativity of creation in that?) So many of the problems in my old church-where I got hurt- was because I felt I was told I had to "fit in some sort of box" and that it wasn't "ok" for me to be the creature God had created me to be...becuase it was a little outside the mold. Well, I got this a couple days ago, from an old friend...and it really broke me. A dear old friend shared this:

In reading your blog, I am touched by the unique way that God made you. I’m just connecting dots and know nothing about what’s happening, but I’m not surprised that people don’t always “get” you. You are a beautiful combination of deep theology and cultural relevancy. People aren’t going to like the way that you say things all the time, and that’s okay. Again, I’m just guessing, but it seems to me that you might be dealing with a situation in which people want to put a “Christian cultural law” upon you.

It is so good to know that GOD is the one to work on our hearts...and he never abandons us and uses EVERYTHING to accomplish his purposes in transforming us to be more like him.

"You are a beautiful combination of deep theology and cultural relevancy." That is probably one of the nicest things someone has ever said about me...and I think that sums up why some people either don't like me or don't "get" me.

CF - thank you for that. Your words were so encouraging to my soul. I know you don't know what is going on with me now - but you know my past, and God is faithful. Reconnecting with you in the midst of what is happening here has truely ment a lot to me. God's timing is funny and I never would've planned it this way - but it is good. HE is GOOD.

Closing thought - my friend also shared this verse with me...I think it is appropriate too.

II Corinthians 4:7-11

7But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 8We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 10We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. 11For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body.

And I LOVE this part too. It has really ministered to me this week:

II Corinthians 7:16-18

16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Let us all be challenged to fix our eyes on Jesus, our treasure, our reward and our HOPE!

Heart for my boy

I took the boys to school today as I always do on Johnny's day off. Some times I can get by just taking them to the "drop-off", but today Carter insisted I walk him in. Taylor ran off ahead to play, but Carter started to cling - which he so often does when I take him to school. He then started crying in fear, saying, "The kids are gonna tease me, mommy. I don't want to go."

In those instances I just die as a mom. I want to protect my baby. But he has to go to school. What am I gonna do - impromptu sick day? I can't explain that one to Taylor! Then I'd have a mutiny on my hands!

I reassured my baby and tried to comfort him in those moments. I said I'd speak to his teacher. She passed by and I found out that yesterday, she had caught a big group of kids teasing Carter. She tried to handle the situation by "flipping their cards" and helping Carter out, but clearly my baby's heart was wounded. I love Carter's teacher. I think she really does a good job and has such a heart for those kids. But my baby is just so stinking short and he just gets picked on by the nature of his stature. He's a "young" 1st grader...but I'm just astounded how mean other kids can be. Even at a Christian school. I LOVE the kid's school. It's a GREAT school. I could sing it's praises all day long. The teachers are wonderful. The administration is great. They really care for our kids and do a GREAT job. But at the end of the day, I don't have control over the other kids in my boy's class and the comments they make that wound his character when the teacher is not looking or when they are out on the playground.

It just kills me as a mom to watch my baby suffer. So send up a little prayer for Carter today.

You are on my heart buddy...and I LOVE you.

Good Post

My brother sent me this link today. I think it is really applicable to where I am this week:

http://www.rbc.org/utmost/index.php?month=05&day=22&year=06

Hmmm...so much brewing in the brain.

My prayer of lament in a week of pain.

"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you."

Matthew 5:11-12

Sweet Jesus, YOU are my reward! My hope is in you. You know my heart. You know my thoughts, and ultimately YOU are my judge. You know I've been hurt. You know this week. You know what the future holds.

I will trust in YOU and keep loving your Bride. Do not forsake me.

Please...stay close to my heart, sweet Jesus.

More Sweetness from Beefy

My baby boy brought home a packet of work from preschool yesterday, and it is one of those moments I live for as a mother. It was so precious to see all the work he had done throughout the year. There was a reindeer made out of his handprints and footprint, a brightly painted Easter Egg, a painting of a flower "for mommy", pictures from his class and little things he had said about every season. And this ginormous flower made of paper plates (see picture.) Also in the packet were more "sayings of Ethan". They are so sweet and so preciously express the heart of my little boy. I have to share it:

My name is... Ethan

What makes me laugh is... when Carter tickles me!

My best friend is... Derek

My pets are... Doggy-Dog Vader

The people in my family are... Taylor, Carter, Sophie, mommy and daddy

The most important thing I learned in school is... coloring

The best day I ever had is... when I played with Sophie

One thing I'm really good at is... Legos

I love... Jesus

My Favorites:
Animal: Monkey
Food: Broccoli (Liar!)
Color: Red
Toy: Legos
Movie: Kitty (Sophie's "Hello Kitty" Movie)
Song: "Jesus Loves Me"

It makes me happy when... I go to class.

I look like... I have blonde hair with a shirt.

I live... besides my house.

I am thankful to God for... dying for our sins.

It makes me angry when... Taylor hits me with the ball.

When I grow up I want to be... a Rock Star!

I know that God... died for our sins. He feels really good about me.

What a sweet heart. These are the "salad days". This boy so easily just speaks right to my heart. He is so sensitive and so precious. What a treasure God has immensely blessed me with in my Befin!

I love you so much, buddy!

Updating the Record

Well, I had an INCREDIBLE night last night. It's always so nice to find a kindred spirit and make a new friend.

Somehow the skies have parted and the world looks sunny today.

(The eagle has landed...the fat man eats cheetos on the moon.)

Ever feel like you just talk in code on these blogs?

weird.

For the Record...

I am having a crappy day today...and this week isn't gonna be any easier. For that matter...it's been a crappy year...

I read this today:

Away, Despair! My gracious Lord doth hear:
Though winds and waves assault my keel,
He doth preserve it: he doth steer,
Ev'n when the boat seems most to reel:
Storms are the triumph of his art:
Well may he close his eyes, but not his heart.

George Herbert
(Works, I, 128)

'No' to Nutrition

Sunday night we stayed home from church and had a family meal togehter for Mother's Day. (Which is kind of a rarety in our household these days because we are always SO BUSY and have too much going on with the church.) So then on Monday night I had made Chicken Stir-fry and called the kids into the table. I know they aren't huge fans of vegitables, so I loaded them up on Chicken and rice. Anyway, Taylor is the first one to make it to the table and lets out a sigh and says in a whine:

"Ah...mom, not another beautiful dinner..."

Puke Fest 2006

So last night was our High School "Game Night" at church. There were mainly guys there so me and the Bean went out for something to eat and drink. We decided to head back to the church after awhile to check out how the infamous "Milk Challenge" was fairing.

Here's the challenge: You have 45 minutes to drink an entire gallon of whole milk. (Some people chose chocolate milk - disgusting!) Then you need to keep the milk down for another 15 minutes. If you succeed you win $100! Sounds easy right? (Apparently it if a physiological impossibility) Well, that is until one person tries to be all macho and chug his chocolate milk, and winds up projectile vomiting into an enourmous trash can.

Bean and I showed up 35 minutes into the challenge. We walked downstairs, smelling a foul oder and to the sounds of gagging, puking, and groaning. It was SO GROSS...but SO COOL at the same time! I mean THIS is what kids LOVE in High School! I mean how often do you get to go to church and see who can puke the most? It was fabulous...and an AMAZING way to have a "shared experience" that NO ONE who was there will EVER forget!!! (I'm sure the neighbors were wondering what exactly was going on in that church!)

Ahhh...youth ministry! All for Jesus!

The Sweetest Thing

Ethan brought home a "certificate" for me that he made in preschool. On it his teacher wrote in his responses to certain questions. It was so CUTE I had to share it.

My Mom

My mom always says: I Love You!

My mom cooks the best: Chocolate Chip Cookies

This is how she makes it: A different way.

My Mom really loves: ME!

Mom and I like to: Play with toys.

My Mom is beautiful because: She loves me!

She is as pretty as: Girls.

She is 40 years old.

I wouldn't trade my mom for: My toys!

I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have SUCH a GREAT KID!!!

I love you, Ethan!

We are in Doggie Violation

I just found out today that it is illegal to harbor stray pets. Jeez! And I thought we were doing a good thing by putting up signs, driving all over town, feeding, bathing and caring for our little "Edmund Dog Vader"...and this is the thanks I get:

10.20.190 Keeping unlicensed dogs or cats prohibited.
A person, shall not harbor or keep, or cause or permit to be harbored or kept, any unlicensed dog or cat in the unincorporated territory of the county of Los Angeles, or in any city in Los Angeles County which has adopted this Title 10. (Ord. 2000-0075 § 28, 2000: Ord. 93-0002 § 2 (part), 1993: Ord. 9454 § 1 (part), 1967: Ord. 4729 Art. 4 § 402, 1946.)

Now we might have to send our Eddie to the shelter and wait to see if he gets claimed before he can be officially adopted as our baby.

Pray for the peace of our puppy.

Jog-a-thon

Yesterday was the kids Jog-a-thon at school. I sponsored each one of them $.10/lap. I think I'm out $10. But it was SO cute!
Johnny & Carter after a little drenching.

Me and Soph, before the big race.

Taylor and Ethan after a long, hot, day! Sweet brothers!

Star Wars Day

In case you didn't know it...today is officially dubbed "Star Wars Day". (who knew? I read it online.)

So in honor of that...

May the fourth be with you!

Funny Sophie Story

So this morning I was working at my computer and Sophie walks in and stands by me with a sad look on her face. "What's wrong sweetie?" I asked.

BACKSTORY: (Sophie has a good friend in Monterey named Aleda, whom she hasn't seen in like 3 months - when we did visit, aparently Aleda pushed her at one point while the girls were fighting over a toy. It left a big impression because she mentions it periodically. But this morning was different.)

Again, I asked, "What's wrong Soph?"

"A-weda kicked me in the penis." she stated so matter-of-factly. I froze. Not knowing what to do or say. I tried so hard to contain myself...but in that moment, I just couldn't. I started to laugh hysterically. I almost peed in my pants it was just so darn cute and funny! After a moment, I pulled myself together and then took some time to explain to my darling that mommy and Sophie don't have a penis becasue we are girls. Ahhhh...the joys of motehrhood!

Later I realized that I think she is learnign the "P" word from church. Number one...I know Aleda didn't teach it to her. And in our home the "penis" has ALWAYS been refered to as the "peep"...And I have heard Ethan use it on occasion as well. Hmmmm....Forget culture...we WOULD have to go live in a cave in the side of a hill to guard our family from the church (or the Christian School!)

But of course we don't beleive that...so i'm left to having to endure hilariously awkward and funny conversations with my kids!

What JOY! (...and I know the "sex talk" is coming soon too...thank GOD we had boys first!)

mercy

After three (plus) years of wanting to, I have finally branded myself with a constant reminder of God showing mercy to a messed up, totally wrecked person because of His great love. How unspeakable a gift is HIS MERCY...How can I so easily forget about this gift I constantly receive? And I constantly need to be reminded to extend mercy into the lives of people around me. I am a mess...but God is Love Incarnate in my life. I so need that.

Thy mercy my God is the theme of my song,
The joy of my heart, and the boast of my tongue.
Thy free grace alone, from the first to the last,
Hath won my affection and bound my soul fast.

Without Thy sweet mercy, I could not live here.
Sin would reduce me to utter despair,
But through Thy free goodness, my spirit's revived
And He that first made me still keeps me alive.

Thy mercy is more than a match for my heart,
Which wonders to feel its own hardness depart.
Dissolved by Thy goodness, I fall to the ground
And weep for the praise of the mercy I've found.

Hallelujah

Great Father of mercies, Thy goodness I own
In the covenant love of Thy crucified Son.
All praise to the Spirit, Whose whisper divine
Seals mercy and pardon and righteousness mine.
All praise to the Spirit, Whose whisper divine
Seals mercy and pardon and righteousness mine.

Hallelujah

Caedmon's Call "Thy Mercy"